When I Awoke
by A Wind Has Blown the Sky Away
Summary: Elena wakes up to find herself in a morgue, staring up at the two men she loves. It doesn't take her long to realise what she's become: A vampire. But will being undead change the choices she's made? And what does Klaus think about his precious doppelgänger turning vampire? Delena. Rated T for mild swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**This will be my first multi-chapter fanfic (and my second of any). There will be about ten chapters, but if it goes down badly then I'll just leave it. Hopefully it won't! **

**-Belle-**

* * *

A door opened, and closed with a slam.

"Is she awake yet?" A voice demanded. It was eerily familiar. Then whoever it was must have paused as they caught sight of me, and I heard them whisper my name.

Suddenly someone was holding my hand. I twitched, and they said my name desperately, like someone gasping for air.

_I need to open my eyes. I need to wake up._ I thought blearily, but I felt safe here. I was drifting through darkness; the hurt was gone.

_What hurt? Where am I?_ I felt the overwhelming urge to sink back into the nameless Black, but suddenly I was hit with a hollow, agonising pain.

I felt empty; incomplete.

The person spoke again, and with that voice materialised a name.

_Damon._

I gasped and my eyes snapped open.

Bright. Silver.

My eyes smarted and I covered them with my free hand.

The hollow pain was still very much there, and I let out a quiet, strangled moan.

"Elena? Oh thank God." Another voice – Stefan's – said.

"Elena, take your hand away from your eyes," Damon said softly.

I did so, wincing slightly at the shockingly white light. Stefan's face appeared above me, his forehead creased in deep worry lines.

He smiled weakly at me and reached to touch my cheek. I closed my eyes, feeling every movement.

I mean I felt _everything. _It was like my skin was alive with every sensation in the room; every slight movement of the air, every tiny change in temperature.

I shuddered as I opened my eyes again. I hadn't imagined the strange brightness – the world was sharper, angular and more refined. I turned my head and saw Damon looking at me with heart breaking sadness. He gave me a small smile.

"What happened?" My voice was harsh and unnatural to my own ears.

With a flash I saw Stefan pulling Matt up towards the surface, I felt the burn of my lungs and my vision turning blurry.

I gasped again, but the air didn't feel like it did anything. A horrible realisation dawned on me.

"Am I dead?" I whispered. I looked at the faces of two of the people I loved most in the world. "Is… is this heaven?"

Damon grinned, but it faded quickly, and his eyes turned sympathetic. "No, Elena. This isn't heaven."

I coughed feebly. "Where am I then?" The hollow pain inside me intensified and a wave of some delicious scent hit my nostrils, and my stomach rumbled. It was a familiar smell, but I felt like I experiencing it in a different way to before. I fumbled around for a word that belonged to it, and then I went cold to the very tips of my toes.

Blood.

It was blood.

That delicious, mouth-watering smell was _blood._

"No," I looked up at their grim faces. "NO!" I shouted, and I felt the beginning of tears behind my eyes. "I'm not… I _can't be." _For the first time I looked around me, and saw I was in a morgue. A _morgue._

"I'm sorry, Elena," Damon said quietly. "But you're in transition."

"No." I repeated. "I didn't drink any vampire blood. I _didn't_. I know I didn't. You're wrong."

Damon turned and looked pointedly at Stefan, who shifted uncomfortably.

"Elena," Stefan began. "You didn't have a concussion. It was much worse. And Meredith... she _helped _you. She gave you vampire blood – she had no intention of letting you out until it was out of your system…. But then,"

"Alaric arrived." I finished dully.

Stefan nodded.

"So, I'm going to be a vampire." I blinked back tears. "I'm never going to finish high school. I'm never going to grow up. I'm going to be a _vampire_."

Damon squeezed my hand. "Are you going to be alright?"

I breathed in the fresh scent of blood and my mouth watered. "Just take me away from here." I whispered.

"Okay, Elena." Stefan said kindly, and promptly picked me up. I buried my head in his shoulder.

* * *

It was late. So late it was early morning. I was sitting on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around me and a blood bag clutched in my shaking hand. I stared glumly into the heat of the flames and attempted to ignore the salty smell of blood.

"Elena you have to _drink._" Stefan implored me. "You're growing weaker. It's not so bad, I swear."

"It's someone's blood, Stefan. As soon as I drink this, I lose what last shred of humanity I have. I _can't. _I can't do that." I wasn't looking at him; I was talking to the flames. Maybe if I stared into the heart of the flames, I'd manage not to cry.

Crying was too human.

I wasn't human.

Not anymore.

"Then you know what will happen. And Elena, if you want to choose that, I won't blame you. No one will take that choice away from you. _No one._"

I sniffed. "I can't leave Jeremy. Or Matt. Or Caroline. Or you. Or Damon." I scrunched my eyes up. "I just… I just want my last human moments to be lived out… a-alone."

"I understand. But Elena… don't leave it too long, okay?"

He left, and I was alone. Just like I wanted.

_I just want my last human moments to be lived out alone._

I let the tears fall, splish-splosh, from my face.

I cried for the loss of my adulthood – I would forever be a teenager now.

I cried for the loss of my children – I would never be a mother now.

I cried for the loss of my humanity – I was becoming something evil and unnatural.

I cried because my little brother would outgrow me, and I would live for years after his death.

I cried because the blood was so tantalising, and I was growing nearer to ripping into it with every second.

I cried until the tears dried out, and then I stared stonily at the flames.

"Elena?"

I jerked my head up and sniffed loudly. It was Damon, standing in the doorway. His black hair was ruffled, and his hands were balled into fists at his sides. He was scowling, but the lines of frustration smoothed into an understanding grimace.

"Still haven't drunk it, hmm?" Damon strolled in and rapped his knuckles smartly against the mahogany desk that held the decanter of bourbon.

I shook my head.

Damon walked over and sat on the sofa beside me. I looked at him out the corner of my eye. He seemed to be experiencing a kind of… inner turmoil.

He closed his eyes, and opened them. "Elena, I know this really isn't the time, but… I need to ask you something."

I rearranged myself, so I was facing him. His startling blue eyes were wide and vulnerable, and they made my heart ache. His face swam in front of my eyes – I was growing woozy.

"Okay," I said softly.

Damon looked away. "I guess you remember,"

_Since I'm possibly a dead man, can I ask you a question?_

_Yeah, of course…_

_If it was just down to him and me, and you had to make a choice… who got the goodbye. Who would it be?_

_I love him, Damon. He came into my life at a time when I needed someone. I fell for him instantly. I met him first. No matter what I feel for you, I never un-fell for him…_

_Hey, I get it. It's Stefan. It's _always_ going to be Stefan._

_I can't think about always. All I can think about is now. And I _care_ about you, Damon. Which is why I have to let you go. I mean, maybe if you and I had met first…_

_Then maybe._

"Yeah, I remember," I remembered the evident pain in his voice. I remembered the hurt deep in my chest. I remembered the tears falling down my cheeks as I chose Stefan.

"I know this is a long shot, but… it doesn't change anything, does it?" He sighed. "It's still Stefan, isn't it?"

This was it. My last chance. I hadn't told Stefan I had chosen him yet. If I had any doubts about who I wanted to spend my life with – who I wanted to spend _eternity_ with, now was the time to say.

"I'm sorry," I said it quietly, so quietly if he were human he may not have heard me. But he wasn't human, and he heard me. His eyes looked at me dully, and he looked so tragic it broke my heart.

I wanted to hug him, but I didn't feel that was the best idea.

"Okay Elena," Damon looked at me sadly, and then he was gone.

Then I was crying again. I was crying for every moment I had spent with Damon, the happy, the sad, the angry and the passionate. I was crying for the loss of his friendship and the loss of him as a romantic prospect. And then I cried because I could.

And then I ripped open the bag of blood and gorged on the ruby red liquid.

* * *

**How was that? Am I ruining the dramatic moment? Yes?**

**Well, please review. **

**-Belle-**

**xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello. Here is chapter 2, I hope you guys like it. Thank you to those who reviewed and favourite-ed my story. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Just try it, Elena," Stefan said calmly.

"But… but it's a _deer._" I protested, as the poor creature struggled feebly against Stefan's tight grip.

"Do you want to eat the deer, or do you want to eat a human?"

"I know, but -"

"People eat deer anyway."

"I don't. I've never had deer." I played nervously with my sunlight ring.

Stefan sighed and leant against a tree, releasing the deer, which bounded away, terrified. He folded his arms and looked thoughtfully at me. The sunlight trickled through the green canopy of trees and dappled across his muscular arms.

"Can't I just live off blood bags… for now?"

Stefan raised an eyebrow, then sighed again, his forehead creased in worry. "I don't know Elena…"

"It'll be fine," I insisted.

I caught his eye and for a long moment I pleaded silently at him with my eyes. Stefan held his hands up in defeat. "Okay." He looked away, brooding.

"I choose you." I blurted out suddenly.

Stefan looked up, surprised. "What?"

"I choose you, Stefan. I already told Damon, and I just needed to tell you. I choose you."

He grinned, and kissed me longingly. I smiled against his lips and wound my fingers in his hair.

Stefan broke us apart, and gazed at me, his eyes twinkling. "I've waited so long to do that again." He said breathlessly.

I laughed soundlessly and pulled him in for another kiss.

I have to admit I was enjoying it tremendously, but then an image of Damon appeared in my head. I felt his lips roughly but wonderfully kissing me. I felt his hands curled in my hair. I felt the motel wall pressed uncomfortably against my back and I didn't care.

I groaned and kissed Stefan furiously, intoxicated with the memory of his brother.

Suddenly I realised what I was doing and I leapt back, slamming into a tree that shook dramatically and caused hundreds of leaves to drop to the floor. I wasn't quite used to my newfound speed and strength.

Gasping, I covered my mouth with my hand. Stefan was looking at me, concerned.

"Elena? What's wrong?"

I shook my head and then darted away from him, tearing through the woodland at incredible speed. It was terrifying, but I didn't slow down once.

* * *

I ran for God knows how long, until I found myself feeling hungry, and I knew if I didn't stop running I would soon be so hungry I would attack some poor, unfortunate hiker.

I found myself at a road, the sounds of the motorway in the background. The copse of trees was familiar – I'd spent many a high school party around here, laughing with Bonnie and Caroline, kissing Matt.

And yet the road I could see just past more trees was what was attracting my attention. I walked, almost as if in a dream, towards the stretch of tarmac. I felt like there was something I couldn't quite remember, and if I only concentrated hard enough…

"Excuse me, do you know the way to Mystic Falls?"

I whirled, and saw a woman standing in front of me.

"Sorry?" I asked faintly.

"This is super embarrassing, but I'm visiting my sister in Mystic Falls, and I think I must have taken a wrong turn, because I just can't find it _anywhere._" The woman laughed nervously.

But I wasn't listening. The woman smelt of cheap perfume, new leather from her shoes and cigarette smoke. But under that was the scent of her sweat. And under that the distinct and delicious smell of her blood.

"Um, do you know where it is?" The woman repeated impatiently.

"Huh," I mumbled, and took a step towards her. My stomach rumbled. "That's funny."

She bit her lip nervously. "Why is that?"

I tilted my head and breathed in the sweet tang of blood. "You're on the border." I smiled and took another step towards her. "Isn't that funny?"

She blushed, and I felt my mouth water at all that blood flowing beneath her skin.

What would her blood taste like? I wondered. If the bagged stuff was so tasty, surely the fresh type would be even better. Warm, and alive.

My fangs slid out and I felt the skin under my eyes grow taught and the veins bulge. I grinned at the frightened look on her face.

She screamed and I pounced. She struggled and clawed at me. I ignored her and tore into her neck, tasting the warm flow of blood that gushed into my welcoming mouth. Slowly her struggles became weaker, and the blood dribbled down my front and into a grisly puddle on the ground.

I let her fall to a heap at my feet, and I angled my face upwards, mouth open, fangs out and grinning. My eyes were closed as I enjoyed the euphoric haze that followed a feed.

No wonder Stefan and Damon enjoyed this so much. Who was I to tell them not to? What had I ever known about being a vampire? It wasn't a curse – it was a blessing!

I laughed out loud and outstretched my arms, twirling in delight. I could do _anything!_ I was invincible! I could go to town right now and feast. I could compel the people, and no one would know.

"Elena!" I turned and frowned, confused. Stefan was standing away from me, his mouth open in shock. I laughed at his expression and looked at the dead woman with glee.

Two strong hands grasped my shoulders and pulled me away, as I giggled madly.

"It's wonderful! Oh, how could I _ever_ have not wanted to be a vampire? Why didn't you _tell_ me?" I babbled to Damon, wrapping my arms around his neck and beaming like an idiot. He grimaced.

"Stefan, you take care of the body. Come on, Elena." Damon swung me up into his arms as I leant my head back and licked the blood off my chin. Stefan was still standing in a state of shock, his face white.

"Stefan, _go_." Damon instructed. "You've really made a mess of things, haven't you Elena?" He added quietly as he carried me off.

I giggled. "I know!"

Damon pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "You're going to regret this, though," He said sadly. "Once the frenzy wears off. I'm sorry Elena. I shouldn't have let Stefan take you hunting. I should have guessed that idiot would do something stupid."

I ignored him, burying my face into his shoulder and breathing in his smell. "Mmm-hmm," I sang.

"I'm so sorry Elena," Damon repeated. "I should have tried harder to keep you human."

That was the last thing I heard, before falling into a deep sleep in his arms.

* * *

**Au revoir!**

**Et fais une critique, s'il vous plaît x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's chapter 3. **

* * *

I opened my eyes and was oddly confused. There was a new comfort to the way I was lying; something had changed. Whatever it was, I liked the feeling.

Stretching like a cat, I rolled over and gazed contentedly into space. A blanket that had been placed over me slipped down below my shoulders and I pulled it back up. Then I smiled.

Then I was hit with a stab of horror, and a wave of nausea lurched up from my _full _stomach.

I had _killed _someone.

Some poor, innocent woman.

She had a sister. She told me herself. Her sister was waiting for her, somewhere in Mystic Falls.

I wondered who she was, if I knew her.

That woman could have been the sister of one of my teachers… she could be the sister of Mrs Halpern, or Miss Peterson.

She could be related to _anyone._

I shuddered, and looked blearily about the room. I was on the sofa in the Boarding House sitting room, alone. My hands were stained with blood – literally _stained with her blood._ My stomach was guiltily full. And I had a horrendous sense of satisfaction.

I jumped up, the blanket falling off my lap.

I ran to the bathroom and shakily washed my hands and my chin.

I stared at my pale face in the mirror.

_At least I still have a reflection, _I thought dryly. I watched the reddish-pink water spiral down the drain and thought of Lady Macbeth.

"Out, damn'd spot. Out, I say," I recited tonelessly to the mirror.

"One-two: why, then 'tis time to do't. Hell is murky." Said a smirking voice. I turned round slowly and saw Damon leaning against the doorway, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. There was a page torn from a book clutched in his left hand. "Loving the Shakespeare reference, Elena, but I feel your inner turmoil is something even William cannot cure."

I squeezed my eyes shut and turned off the tap, before turning to him. "That… that poor woman." My voice was hoarse and crackly, and I gave a shuddering cough. Then I averted his gaze, and whispered, "I killed her Damon. I killed her and I _laughed because of it._" Tears glistened in my eyes. "I've become a monster. After all that time, all that time of telling you off and telling you to be… to be _human._ I'm a hypocrite. I'm _worse _than you ever were." The tears slid ungracefully down my cheek.

Damon walked up to me and wiped my tears away. I looked up pathetically at him, and he looked longingly down at me. At last he offered me a small smile, and said quietly "You will always be human, Elena. You will never lose that quality – no matter what you do. And you could never be a monster, don't ever think that, alright?" He finished with a tiny frown, which made me wish I could reach up and smooth it out.

Before I realised what I was doing, I stood up on my tiptoes and moved to kiss him. But then he was standing far away from me, pressed up against the wall and looking as if I had just slapped him.

I blinked. I couldn't help being offended – I suppose I was used to taking advantage of Damon. Shame burnt its way through me, and I looked to the floor. "I'm sorry." I muttered.

"What are you doing, Elena?" He asked, his words echoing what he had said at Scary Mary's house. "You chose Stefan – you can't, you can't do this anymore. Why aren't you telling _him_ all this?"

"I'm sorry." I repeated glumly. "I shouldn't have done that."

"No," Damon said bitterly. "You shouldn't have." He turned to walk out the room, pausing only to say quietly "Goodbye, Elena."

I wanted to run after him and recklessly kiss him, to throw caution to the wind. But then I thought of Stefan_. I chose Stefan. _I reminded myself. I had known it would be hard to choose, but I had had to. And I chose Stefan – I couldn't go back on my decision, not when I wasn't sure I even wanted to.

I met him first. That had to mean something. And it did. I loved Stefan. We were soul-mates.

My vision went blurred at the edges, and I swayed, gripping the sink with shocked white knuckles.

* * *

_Sighing, I put the phone down on Bonnie._

"_Katherine."_

_I look up, startled. A tall man with dark hair and startling blue eyes is looking at me, quite fascinated. He wears a black leather jacket and a hopeful smile._

"_Um, no, I…" I look behind me, just in case there is someone else to which he is talking to. "I'm Elena." I say, unnerved. _

_The man's face falls, and he seems disappointed. "Oh." He narrows his eyes at me, as if to make sure I am not this 'Katherine' simply playing a cruel trick. "You… You just look…" He sighs, having made sure I am indeed not Katherine. He is crestfallen, and also quite baffled at my similarity to 'Katherine'. "I'm sorry." He looks at me, embarrassed. "You just _really_ remind me of someone..." He smiles playfully, and abruptly says "I'm Damon."_

"_Not to be rude or anything, Damon, but it's kind of creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere." I say, looking him up and down and wondering if he is indeed some sort of creepy man who preys on young girls leaving high school parties._

"_You're one to talk." He smirks sexily at me, tilting his head. "You're out here all by yourself."_

"_It's Mystic Falls, nothing bad ever happens here." I say, half shrugging._

_He looks at me expectantly._

_I sigh. "Got into a fight with my boyfriend." I explain, showing him my phone as proof. _

"'_Bout what?" He inquires, before holding up his hands in a sign of peace. "May I ask?"_

_I shake my head. "Life. The future. He's got it _all_ mapped out." I look away, unsure as to why I am telling him this._

"_You don't want it?"_

_I shrug. "I don't know what I want."_

"_Well that's not true." He looks at me through his lashes. "You want what everybody wants."_

"_What?" I smile, amused by his certainty. "A mysterious stranger who has all the answers?"_

_He laughs. "Hmm. Well, let's just say I've been around a long time." He looks at me cheekily, and says "I've learnt a few things."_

"_So Damon," I indulge in a small smile. "Tell me; what is it that I want?"_

_Suddenly the laughter leaves his features, and he takes a step towards me, a serious expression on his face. Somehow I am not afraid. "You want a love that consumes you." He says softly, searching my face for a reaction. I find myself taken in by his large, playful eyes. "You want passion, and adventure," He smiles. "And even a little _danger_."_

_I stare at him, unsure what to make of it. Then I give a little shake of my head, and ask, smiling, "So what do _you_ want?"_

_I appear to have startled him; he obviously hasn't expected me to ask him. "Oh…"_

_We both look up at the sound of a car pulling up. "It's my parents." I explain, smiling at the familiar vehicle. When I turn back to say something, his face is inches away from mine, his eyes wide and mesmerising. _

"_I want you to get everything you're looking for," He says softly. "But right now I want you to forget that this happened." He allows himself a small, flirtatious smile as I find myself uncontrollably moved by his surprisingly tender words. "Can't have people knowing that I'm in town yet." He continues, cockily. Then he looks sadly at me, and the smirk is gone from his face, his features arranged in a painful expression. "Goodnight Elena." He finishes wistfully. _

_I blink, and for one second I want to run after him and shout 'Wait!', but he is gone._

I want you to forget that this happened.

_I turn, and see my parents – when did they get here? As I open the car door I am filled with a curious feeling that I have forgotten something, something important, but that's ridiculous. Isn't it?_

* * *

**So how are you liking the story so far?**

**Please review x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again. Thanks for all the comments and story alerts et cetera, and thanks for keeping with it for four chapters. I must be doing something right! Here is chapter 4, so... enjoy. I guess.**

* * *

I buckled, falling to the floor. My head exploded in pain and my hands flew to my forehead.

As the pain subsided, I mentally prodded the vision that sat amongst my memories, and winced.

A memory.

It did not just sit amongst my memories, it was my memory.

Damon compelled me.

It was such a strange feeling, as if someone had messed around in my brain, as if they'd implanted a scene I had never lived.

But I had lived it.

I met Damon first.

Blankly, I stared at my hands which were still wet from when I washed them – almost a lifetime ago. It was all too much to take in.

How could this be? How could I trust my own memories… if the people I loved most in the world tampered with them, how could I be sure what was real anymore?

And to make matters worse, for a brief few minutes, I had had parents again.

But not anymore.

They were dead.

It was like they had only just died, the wound in my heart was open and gaping.

But I couldn't just sit here, pitifully on the bathroom floor. I had to find Damon. I had to talk to him about it.

I stood up and quickly raced out the bathroom. I opened the sitting room door with a bang, and saw the crackling fire, the empty sofa and discarded blanket. No Damon.

I angled my head and listened:

I could hear the drips of the bathroom tap.

I could hear the blazing of the flames.

I could hear the steady breathing of a sleeping Stefan.

No Damon.

He was gone.

He had left the house.

I ran out the door and stood in the cold night air, the moon peeping out from behind a blanketing of cloud.

"How can you be so calm?" I asked it despairingly. It did not reply, but retreated behind the clouds and left me in a night so dark I felt it may swallow me up.

"Damon?" I asked the empty driveway, walking forward. "Damon I remember," I said piteously.

No one replied. Damon was long gone.

Once more the tears trickled down my cheek. "Why am I crying, Damon?" I whispered. "Where are you?"

I sped up, until I was running – human speed – down the road. I stumbled, falling to the floor. "What does it _mean?_" I cried to the silent night. "What do I _do?_"

In the distance an owl hooted, mocking me. "Damon." I sobbed. "_DAMON!"_ I screamed.

"Elena?"

Joy raced through me and I looked up… to see Stefan.

My face fell, and I wept as he pulled me close.

"Elena what's wrong? Where's Damon?"

"He's gone," I stated into his chest. "He's gone."

"He can't be – Elena you're being hysterical. Damon will be back in the morning, don't worry." Stefan said soothingly.

"He's left, Stefan. He's left us. _He promised me he'd never leave and then he left!"_

Stefan blinked. "Elena, I don't understand. You _knew _he would leave someday. You knew that when you chose me, didn't you? You can't have expected him to stay and watch us be together when… you do choose me, right?" Panic crept into Stefan's voice.

That sobered me up. "Yes," I cried, looking up at him with large eyes. "Yes I choose you Stefan! I love you, _I_ _have to choose you._"

Stefan let go of me, and I fell in a heap to the floor. I stared at him, confused.

"You _have _to choose me? Why do you _have _to choose me? You're supposed to say you choose me because you _love me_, because you _want _to choose me."

"I did!" I protested, picking myself up off the floor. "I did say I love you, and I do want to choose you!"

Stefan stepped away from me. "But you want to choose him, too."

"What?"

"You're a vampire now, Elena. Everything you felt before is heightened. You love me, but you love him too, don't you?"

"I don't know…"

"You're lying." He said it with such conviction I faltered. "You love him. You love both of us, and the only reason you choose me is that I'm safe. I'm familiar. I'm the _easy choice."_

"Stefan, _no!_" I reached for him, but he recoiled back.

"You need to make a decision, Elena. A proper one. Don't you _dare _come back before you've made it."

I stared at him. "But I _love you._" I whispered.

Stefan shook his head. "If only it were that simple, Elena. If Damon leaving makes you this upset, then you don't choose me." He let his words hang in the air for a moment. "If you want my advice, stay away from your home. You'll never forgive yourself if you do something like that to your own brother."

And then he was gone.

I'd lost them both in the space of, what? A half hour?

* * *

"Who the - Elena?"

"Oh Caroline, thank God! I thought you were asleep."

Caroline folded her arms. "I was," She said irritably. "Why are you even here? It's like three in the morning."

I looked awkwardly at the ground.

Caroline sighed. "Come on in."

"Thanks, Care'." I followed her in the house. She switched on the hall light and beckoned me in to join her.

"You look like you need to talk. Can I get you some blood?"

I shuddered. "No thanks,"

"Suit yourself." Caroline dragged me into the sitting room and collapsed on the sofa, arranging her dressing gown suitably around her. "Spill." She commanded.

I sighed and sat beside her. "Stefan kicked me out."

Caroline let out a low whistle. "Can't say I ever saw _that_ coming. What did you do? Lover's spat?"

I buried my face in my arms. "I told him I chose him because I _had_ to." I mumbled.

"Ouch."

"I know," I cried, my voice muffled by my arms.

"Why? Why did you need to justify it? If I were Stefan I wouldn't exactly go 'You choose me, eh? Where's your evidence?'!"

I lifted my head and looked at her. "That's not funny Care'."

"Oh come on, it sort of is. Anyway, back with the story."

"Damon -"

Caroline's expression turned furious. "I knew it! He tried to botch things up between you and Stefan didn't he? Argh! Don't listen to him, Elena. That vampire is a good-for-nothing little sh-"

"Caroline!"

She blinked. "What? You're not on _his_ side are you?" She gasped. "You _are!_"

"Caroline shut up and let me explain." I ordered. She didn't look very happy, but pursed her lips tightly together nonetheless. "Damon compelled me."

"_What? _But you're a vampire! He's not a… he's not an Original is he?"

"Of course not." I sighed. "He compelled me back when I was human. Before all of this."

Caroline gasped again. "He compelled you to_ love him?_"

"No! Just let me finish!" I frowned at her. "I met Damon first, on the night my parents died, and then he compelled me to forget." When she didn't react I repeated. "I met Damon _first _Caroline!"

"Well did anything happen between you?"

"No…"

"Then what does it matter?"

I blinked, surprised. What _did_ it matter?

My heart screamed 'Everything!' but my head wasn't so sure. I had met Damon first, but so what? Bonnie had joined the school when we were fifteen, but we were still best friends. I hadn't become that close with Caroline until last year.

I had met Damon first, but I had fallen in love with his brother.

And yet… it still felt important somehow.

Finally, I found the words to get my point across. "The fact that I met Stefan first was one of my main points when deciding. When I told Damon… when I told him I chose Stefan, I even said _'Maybe if you and I had met first'_. You see, Caroline? We did meet first."

Caroline still didn't look as astounded as I would have expected. She looked at me thoughtfully. "So you're saying the only reason you ever chose Stefan was because you thought you met him first."

"What? No! I love Stefan."

"Then there you go."

"But I also love Damon!" The words were out my mouth before I could stop them. I clapped my hand over my mouth, my mind racing. Where had _that _come from?

It seemed I had finally shocked Caroline, who gasped. "You _love _him?"

I nodded, mouth still firmly covered.

"But… I always thought this crazy stuff you felt for Damon was pure attraction! That's what I was counting on… Oh this changes _everything…_"

I took my hand away from my mouth. "Why?"

"Because now I don't know who to _support_." She seemed crushed.

"Does that matter?"

"Of course it matters!" She snapped. Then she frowned, and squinted at me. "So you love them both. What made you choose Stefan?"

"Well… I didn't know I _loved _Damon." I gazed gloomily at the floor. "And whatever I felt for Damon, I'd always had feelings for Stefan too." I tilted up my head and cried, "But now, whatever I feel for Stefan, I'll always know I love Damon too, and I'll always wonder what could have been!" I faltered, then looked at her through my lashes, embarrassed. "And… Caroline?"

"Yes?"

"You won't tell anyone this, will you?"

"Of course I won't."

"Good. Well… when I was kissing Stefan -"

"Ew, where are you going with this?"

I glared at her.

"Sorry, sorry. Carry on." She waved a hand.

"My thoughts kind of turned to… Damon."

Caroline raised an eyebrow. "You were kissing Stefan whilst getting off to his brother? That's cold, girl."

I blushed furiously. "I know. But I didn't _mean _to."

"Of course you didn't." She cooed, patting my knee. "So - I can't believe I'm saying this – choose Damon."

I looked away. It wasn't like the thought hadn't occurred to me, but it seemed… wrong somehow; to ditch Stefan for his older brother.

And there was _Damon_. What if he went all crazy, and started killing people, just because I yelled at him? What if he lost control, what if _I _lost control? What if he got angry at me, and left Mystic Falls because something had upset him? Would he do that?

"_What if there was no bump?"_

Damon's words circled round my head.

But I couldn't choose Damon, could I?

* * *

**And as always: Review :D**

**-Belle-**

**xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**So... how's life? **

**Here is chapter 5 of 'When I Awoke'. Thank you to everyone who has read this story so far, it means a lot to me :D**

**Please do review, because without reviews I don't have the confidence to write the next chapters, and that would be REALLY annoying, because I've already planned the rest of the story, and if I don't write it down and update, then it will just be stuck as clutter in my brain and it'll NEVER go away.**

**So yeah. Enjoy! (I hope)**

* * *

"So Damon _never_ mentioned he met you first? Even when you said you'd choose him if you had?" Caroline stared suspiciously at me.

"No," I shook my head. "I guess… I guess he wanted it to be real. Not just because I met him first."

"That is _so _sweet," Caroline gushed. "I didn't know Damon was so _sweet._"

I smiled. "He is."

"So not even when you became a vampire, and you were going to remember anyway?"

That made me think.

"_You're a vampire. So… you remember."_

"_Yeah, I remember."_

"Oh my God," I whispered. "He did. He asked me if I remembered, and I said yes because I thought he was talking about when I chose Stefan. But he _wasn't_!"

"Why would he be talking about when you chose Stefan?"

"I don't know! I didn't exactly assume he was talking about a memory I had forgotten about the moment it happened, did I?"

"You're in love with two vampires and best friends with a witch and another vamp – of _course_ you should have assumed that!"

"Well… maybe,"

"So what did he say then?" Caroline looked at me curiously.

"He said… 'I know this is a long shot, but it doesn't change anything does it?'"

"Aw. I hope you let him off kindly."

"I said 'I'm sorry Damon.'"

"Ouch." Caroline wrinkled her nose.

I looked at her, exasperated. "You are _really_ not helping."

"Whatever. So… why did you tell Stefan you chose him because you _had_ to? I still don't get it."

"I killed someone, Caroline." I couldn't look at her.

"So did I." She said softly. There was a long pause, and then she spoke in a strained, quiet voice. "And I enjoyed it."

I turned to stare at her. "Me too," I sniffed. After a while I asked, "How can I live with myself?"

"You have to."

"Does it get easier?"

She shook her head. "No; but I'm glad. With guilt comes a determination not to do it again." She played with a blonde curl. "I don't think I could live… I'd have to end… if I wanted to do it again."

I nodded. "After I woke up, and the euphoria had faded, I went into hysterics." I looked down at my clasped hands in my lap. "Damon comforted me, told me I was still _me._ And I… I guess I was used to taking advantage of him, you know?"

Caroline tilted her head. "I suppose."

"I tried to kiss him."

She winced. "And Stefan walked in on you two?"

"No! No, Damon got angry with me. He had every right to – I mean I was supposed to have let him _go…_ and instead I was stringing him along as always."

She patted my hand. "And then what?"

"I had the flashback. And I was... _totally_ confused. So I ran out and tried to find Damon, but he'd left. I got even more hysterical and I was shouting his name, and then Stefan was there."

"What did he say?"

"At first he was comforting me, and then once he realised I was this upset just because Damon had left he was accusing me of not wanting to choose him and I said… I kind of said,"

"'I _have _to choose you?'"

I nodded wordlessly.

"He said 'Do you want to choose me?' and you said 'I _have_ to.'?"

Another nod.

"So why, Elena? Why do you _have _to choose Stefan?"

"I don't know." I said despairingly.

"Because you feel it would be wrong to dump him for his older brother." She answered for me.

"Well wouldn't it?"

"That's the _only _reason."

"No. I love Stefan."

"But you love Damon more?"

"I don't know." I said again.

"You love Damon. When you're with Stefan you think about Damon. Do you think about Stefan when you're with Damon?"

I thought about the tender kiss on the porch, the passionate make out session at the motel. "Not exactly…"

"And Damon loves you."

* * *

"_I love you, Elena."_

* * *

"What did you say Caroline?"

She looked annoyed. "I said Damon loves you."

* * *

_I see Damon's face looking at me. There is evident pain in his eyes, but also a determination to let me know how he feels._

"_I love you, Elena."_

* * *

"So therefore -"

"Shut up, Caroline."

"Hey! I'm just trying to help -"

"I said shut up! I think I'm remembering something else!"

"Oh my God! Is it Damon? What did he do? Elena, tell me!"

"Shut _up!_ I'm trying to remember here!"

"Oh right. Sorry."

* * *

_I stare at myself in the mirror, rubbing my arms from the sudden daft of cold. Sighing, I turn to leave my bathroom; looking forward to a warm bed and the dark embrace of sleep._

"_Cute P-Js," There is Damon, sitting dejectedly on my window seat. He tries to smile at my surprise, but it comes out as more of a grimace._

_I shift awkwardly. "I'm tired, Damon." I announce, looking at him warily._

_He stands up and begins to walk towards me. _"_I brought you this." He says, brandishing my necklace._

_I stare at it in shock. "I thought that was gone," I stutter._

_He gives a little shake of the head, obviously pleased at bringing it back to me._

"_Thank you," I sigh, smiling. I reach for it, but he gently moves it away from my hand, pain flashing in his eyes. I lower my hand and look at him. He looks sadly back._

"_Please give it back…" I say quietly, unsure as to what he is going to do next._

_He looks away, then back at me. "I just have to say something." He states hoarsely, moving closer to me._

_I give a loud intake of breath and step away from him. "Why do you have to say it with my necklace?" I half whisper._

_Damon pauses, searching for the right words. "Uh…" He looks away. "Because what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life." He says uneasily, looking at me to see how I react._

_I breathe in. I know what he's talking about. "Damon, don't go there." I plead in a whisper._

"_I just have to say it once – you just need to hear it," He walks right up to me, holding up his hands. I take another uneasy step backwards._

_We are now right up close. I could lean up and kiss him, if I wanted. He pauses. I could stop him. It would be easy. But strangely, I don't want to. I find myself subconsciously leaning into him. He looks down tenderly at me, and says it._

"_I love you, Elena." He offers a tiny smile for a split second – but then it is gone, and he is looking tragically down at me again._

_My heart skips a beat. _He loves me._ I always knew it… but somehow I didn't accept it as true._

_Four words flash through my mind. _

I love you too.

_And I do. How could I have been so stupid? It's not Stefan I want, it's _Damon.

I love you too.

_I strain to say the words, but before I can, he continues. I find myself taken in by his eyes._

"_And it's because I love you, that -" He pauses, and looks confused, as if he can't believe he's actually saying this. But then he continues, almost as if he is convincing himself. "I can't be selfish with you."_

_I go cold to the very tips of my toes. I want to scream "NO!" and kiss him; however I find I cannot make a sound. My gaze is entrapped in his large blue eyes._

"_And why you can't know this… I don't deserve you."_

_I feel tears prick in my eyes. _How can he believe that?_ If only I could reach out and tell him, tell him that right now I want nothing else but to kiss him and to tell him how I feel; how I've _always _felt deep down. I'm the one who doesn't deserve him, for causing him to believe that. _Oh Damon…

"_But my brother does."_

_Stefan? No! _Damon I love you!_ Why can't I say anything? Why can't I look away?_

_He leans forward and for one shining moment I think he's going to kiss me, and I close my eyes in bliss._

_Then I feel his lips on my forehead, and I feel like crying. It is nothing more than a show of affection. He has convinced himself that I am too good for him, that I don't want him, and by some cruel twist of fate I cannot say a word otherwise._

_I can only suck in a shaky breath and try to hold back the tears._

_He reaches up and tucks a few strands of rebellious hair behind my ear. His touch sends shivers down my spine. "God, I wish you didn't have to forget this," He whispers._

_I realise what he means immediately. He is going to compel me. Inside I scream and try with all my might to show him I love him, I want to be with him. But outside all I can manage is a slight frown._

_I look up desperately at his eyes and find myself entombed there. Trapped in the compulsion._

When he compels me to forget, _I think with horror, _I won't have realised that I love him, and I'll go back to being content - but not happy - with Stefan. With the _wrong_ brother. _I look at him, panicking._

_A tear trickles down his cheek and my heart contorts. _I won't be able to tell him I love him.

"_But you do," He murmurs throatily._

_I scream inside my head with frustration, but then…_

What am I so upset about?

_Out of habit, I touch my throat and look down in surprise. My necklace! I feel the relief at having it back and almost smile._

_Then I begin to wonder; _where did it come from? I certainly wasn't wearing it before.

_I look around for some sign as to what happened, but all I see is my empty bedroom and open window, curtains billowing. I perch on the edge of my bed, still clutching my necklace._

What on earth happened?

* * *

**So again: REVIEW.**

**Even if it is just to tell me your cat Simba could have written it better than me, and he doesn't even watch the show.**

**Just scroll down to that box - I know you can see it. Even if it is just a smiley face, I will appreciate your comment.**

**Until next time!**

**-Belle-**

**xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow. Just... wow. That was a lot of reviews! Thank you guys so much! I hope this means you like my story, because here is the next chapter! I still can't believe I went from 11 reviews to 23 reviews in the space of one week... **

**Again: Thank you! And enjoy!**

* * *

"Elena?"

I blinked away the memory and looked at Caroline through a screen of unshed tears. "Yes?" I whispered.

She reached forward and pulled me into a hug. "It's alright, Elena. It's just a memory."

The tears escaped and fell awkwardly down my nose.

"What happened?" She asked gently, pulling back so she could see my expression.

"He… he told me," I sniffed. "He told me he loved me."

Caroline smiled. "Isn't that good?"

"Yes, but he said… oh Care'… he said he didn't _deserve me_."

"So? He certainly doesn't think that now, _does _he?"

"I couldn't say anything. I couldn't tell him how I felt. It was like some sort of twisted nightmare! I couldn't tell him I _loved_ him, Caroline."

"I thought you didn't know that until just now," She protested.

"I _didn't. _But I realised that at_ that_ moment… I realised that long ago. I could have told Damon then and there, but I couldn't speak." I took a deep breath. "And then he compelled me. I couldn't protest, I couldn't stop him. Oh Care', it was horrible."

Caroline squeezed my hand. "It's alright. Now you can tell him, and you guys can be together."

"No." I took a deep breath. "I realised that I loved Damon at that moment, but that was then and this is now." I looked straight at her. "I love Stefan. I can't leave him for Damon. It wouldn't be fair, after everything he ever did for me. Choosing Damon would be selfish, and it wouldn't be the right thing to do."

She jumped up off the sofa. _"What?" _I winced at her screeching tone. "But…" She appeared to be utterly speechless.

"Caroline I don't understand. You always supported Stefan."

Caroline promptly slapped me round the face. Admittedly it wasn't very hard, but I was still shocked. "OW." I complained, rubbing my cheek.

"Elena, do you want to know why I always assumed what you felt for Damon was just attraction?"

I gaped at her, baffled. "Sorry?"

"You heard me."

"Uh," I pondered the matter. "I don't really know."

She sighed, as if it were obvious. "It was because you never looked at him the same way you looked at Matt and Stefan,"

"Well obviously, I just really thought of Matt as a friend, and I loved Stefan."

"Oh Elena, you imbecile," Caroline began pacing around the dim sitting room.

"What?" She was really beginning to irritate me.

"Elena, you looked at Matt and Stefan _the same way." _She exclaimed, turning to scrutinize me.

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. Elena if you don't choose Damon… I swear I will kick your scrawny little butt to Timbuktu." She promptly folded her arms.

"What do you mean I looked at them the same way?"

"I mean you looked at Stefan like he was a really good, admittedly hot, friend. Nothing else."

I blinked. "Really?"

Caroline sat down again next to me, pleased to have finally got through. "Yes," She said kindly. "Elena, choosing Damon wouldn't be selfish, it's _your _eternal life; no one else's. If you chose Stefan without being truly sure you wouldn't always long for Damon, then you'd be keeping him from finding true happiness with someone who loved him. You only love him like a friend, and he would probably see that one day in the way you look at him."

"And I look at Damon, like… like…"

"Like you want to rip his clothes off and devour him."

"_Caroline!" _I snapped.

"Well you do," She confessed blatantly. "But you also look at him like you two are the only people in the room, and until now I just didn't see it that way. You love Damon, Elena. Got it?"

I nodded, speechless.

"Well then what are you waiting for?" She demanded.

I glanced at my watch. "Caroline it's four o'clock in the morning," I told her, ever the voice of reason.

She grunted, and then yawned. "That's my cue to sleep." She announced. "You can sleep on the couch; I hope that's okay. There's a blanket over there." She paused and glared at me. "Don't you _dare_ change your mind overnight," She warned. "Or I'll… I'll make you sorry."

"Care', you can't pull that off." I told her, snuggling down on the sofa.

"Sure I can." She said sweetly. "'Night Elena,"

"'Night Caroline,"

* * *

It was early afternoon when I knocked on the Boarding House door.

I could hear Stefan slowly making his way towards it, but Damon was nowhere to be heard.

Stefan opened the door and gazed hopefully at me. "Have you…"

"I have."

He nodded, swallowing loudly. "Come in."

We sat awkwardly on the sofa. There was silence for a few moments. Panic was quickly creeping into Stefan's body language.

"I'm sorry." I said abruptly.

Stefan let out a large breath of air. The light went out in his eyes.

"I thought I loved you." I stated quietly. "And I did. I do. But… you're more of a friend to me."

He winced. There was another silence, before he spoke. "So… you never loved me like… like that? It was all a lie?" His voice was small and tragic.

"Oh - Stefan, _no._ Of course not…" I took his hand and studied his face. "I met you at a time in my life where _nothing _was stable. My parents were dead, I had broken up with Matt, and Jeremy was doing drugs." I sighed. "Then there was you. You were intriguing, mysterious," I shot him a half smile. "Attractive." He didn't return the smile. "And when I found out you were a vampire, I was presented with an amazing guy, and after everything I'd lost there was a guarantee I would _never _lose you."

Stefan tore his eyes away from mine and observed the floor. "I love you." He whispered. "And you _do _love me." He urged. "I know it."

"I do love you, Stefan. Just not the way… not the way I'm supposed to."

"And then Damon came, and you fell in love with him – properly in love - immediately." Stefan continued bitterly, taking his hand out of mine.

I was hurt that he could think that. "Do you really believe that?" I asked quietly.

Stefan still didn't look at me. "I don't know what to believe anymore." He confessed.

"Damon came, and he was a first rate jackass." I told him. "I mean, he was kind of charming, and he had his moments. But…" I searched for the right words. "Did you know he tried to compel me once – before I knew about you two – he tried to compel me to kiss him. Luckily I was wearing your vervain, but do you really think I could have been in love with him back then?"

Now he looked at me. His eyes were hard and furious. "No, I didn't know that." He told me icily.

I faltered. "Don't… don't hold that against him. He was a different person back then."

"So when did you fall in love with him?" Stefan asked tonelessly.

"I don't know Stefan…"

"_When did you fall in love with him!"_ He repeated angrily.

"Honestly?"

"Yes. Please enlighten me."

"I didn't know until yesterday."

Stefan stared at me. "What?"

"I didn't. But I started to realise I felt something for him when… when you were with Klaus."

"So whilst I was gone, you were having the time of your life with Damon behind my back?"

"How can you _think _that? We… we only kissed once. And it was barely anything, and I told you immediately afterwards, remember? Damon and I spent that summer tracking you down so we could bring you back home."

"So you've only kissed him once, yet you know you want to spend eternity with him?"

Images of the motel flashed through my mind. "No… not exactly."

Stefan sighed. "Just tell me it wasn't whilst we were together."

"It was when we were getting Jeremy from Denver. And it was _only _a kiss." More like a passionate make out session that might have led to… but he didn't need to know that.

He stood up and started pacing the room. Finally he turned and surveyed me. "Elena, I've always respected your decisions."

I gazed up at him from where I sat.

"And I suppose, if you want to spend eternity with my brother, that's none of my business." Stefan sighed. "It's better you're happy with him, than unhappy with me." He finished.

I beamed. "Oh, thank you, Stefan!" I cried, throwing my arms around his neck. "I hope we can still be friends," I told him, my voice muffled into his shoulder.

"_Elena!"_

I let go of Stefan to see Caroline, as breathless as an undead vampire can be, standing in the doorway.

"What is it?" I asked, worried.

She squeezed her eyes shut.

"Caroline…" I warned.

"It's Damon."

* * *

**Yeah, it's a cliffhanger. I know; I know. It's annoying, but it's a part of writing. At least I'm not one of those authors who updates, finishes with a cliffhanger and then leaves it for three months.**

**Anyway, see you next time with Chapter 7!**

**-Belle-**

**xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey again. I have just recovered from a horrid throat virus that had my throat feeling like someone attacked it with a cheese grater, and my head spun every time I stood up. It was... pleasant. Or not.**

**Anyway, I have realised that I don't think I've ever disclaimed that I don't own anything, so here goes:**

_**I do not own the vampire diaries, or any of the characters.**_

**There, I won't be able to remember to do that every chapter, so memorize the above sentence. :D**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

I froze.

"What's happened?" I whispered. If my heart was still beating it would have been doing so loudly.

Caroline swallowed. "I just got off the phone with Bonnie. He told her he's going after Klaus."

"Klaus? But Klaus is dead – Alaric killed him."

Caroline shook her head, and spoke in a quick, impatient voice. "Bonnie did a spell to save us. She put him into Tyler's body. Alaric killed an empty shell – that's why Stefan, Damon and I didn't die. Then it was a simple matter of recovering Klaus' body, and Tyler woke up with no idea what happened."

My head spun. Klaus was alive? And Damon was going after him? There were so many important questions… but first: "Why did Damon tell _Bonnie _and not me?" I couldn't keep the pain out of my voice.

"He didn't want you two to stop him, but he wanted you to know where he'd gone, if… if he never came back."

"But… how did Damon know about Klaus?" I bunched my hands into fists.

"Klaus came to him." She breathed loudly. "He said he was going to take you off and harvest your blood, but due to your history he would give Damon and Stefan a small amount of time to say goodbye."

I shook my head. "That doesn't matter – I'm not human anymore."

It was Stefan who answered. "Exactly. When Klaus finds out – and he will – he'll kill you, Elena. Damon is trying to save your life."

My eyes widened. "But Klaus will kill him! He can't take Klaus on alone. Even if he does manage to kill Klaus, it will kill him, and you, and Caroline, and possibly me… Damon wouldn't be that stupid."

Caroline shook her head. "That's what Bonnie said to him, but Damon said he's not going to kill Klaus. He said he's found a better way."

"What?" Stefan stepped forward eagerly.

"I don't _know._" Caroline answered, seeming close to tears.

I whimpered. "But he'll _die. _Klaus is going to _kill _him. He'll die never knowing that I love him."

Stefan stared sadly at the floor. "Then let's go get him."

"Do you have a plan?" I scrutinized him.

He shook his head. "We'll just have to wing it. Damon will have a better chance with all of us helping him then facing Klaus with nothing but a 'better way' to help him."

"I'll call Bonnie." Caroline announced. "If we're going to do this, we'll need her."

Stefan nodded, whilst I mutely fell to the sofa.

_What if he doesn't survive?_

I shouldn't think that way.

_He'll have never known that I love him._

I felt more hot, salty tears appear at my eyes.

_I'll never kiss him again._

I watched, but not really watching, as Caroline dialled the number.

_I'll never hear his voice again. _

Caroline began to talk in a hurried, panicking voice.

_Damon._

Her words washed over me. I didn't hear a single one.

_Damon._

She put down the phone.

_Damon._

She said something.

_Damon._

Stefan gently shook my shoulder.

_Damon, I love you._

Caroline spoke again, looking at me worriedly.

_Damon, I love you. How can I have never even told you that?_

"Elena, snap out of it!" She yelled.

I jolted out of my trance, wiping my eyes. "Sorry." I muttered.

"Bonnie said to meet her at the square so we can drive to Klaus' house. Elena, don't worry. We'll get Damon, we'll stop Klaus. Everything will be fine."

"How can you be so sure?" I whispered.

Caroline answered surprisingly briskly. "I have to."

* * *

Stefan opened the door of Klaus' house. It was dimly lit, and eerily silent.

But not.

There, as if they were just down the corridor were the muffled sounds of Damon and Klaus. I couldn't make out what they were saying, and it was faint, but it was them.

"They're -"

Stefan cut me off with a hand clasped over my mouth. He tapped his ear and mouthed "It works both ways."

Bonnie looked at me quizzically. "What can you hear?" She whispered so quietly it was almost soundless.

I wouldn't be able to whisper quietly enough back; her human ears wouldn't be able to hear me. Instead I pointed upwards to show her they were somewhere upstairs.

Stefan shook his head and pointed in a slightly different direction to me, but still upstairs.

I huffed, and then chided myself. It wasn't the time for childish tendencies.

Caroline started off in the direction for the main hall, her heels clutched in her hands to prevent clacking. We quickly followed her, and I felt like a terrible spy. I tilted my head upwards so as to hear what they were saying, but all I could hear was the occasional word.

We passed a dead hybrid lying bloodily on the floor, and despite of myself I licked my lips. It didn't smell like human blood, but it sure did look like it.

There were two more in the hall. Damon had really done his job. We nervously climbed the stairs, listening for anymore developments.

For a second Damon's voice grew louder. "Elena,"

I stopped in my tracks. He knew I was here… he was calling out to me. Klaus must be doing something _awful_ to him.

I made out to race up the remaining steps, but Stefan roughly grabbed me by the arm. He shook his head and gestured for me to listen.

"Agreement… hybrids… impossible… vampire," Damon had merely said my name for one purpose or another. He still had no idea I was here.

I felt disappointed, but what had I expected? Damon to sense my presence somehow? That was ridiculous.

We climbed further up the stairs, reaching an elaborate passageway, with ornate furniture and large paintings that decorated the walls.

Caroline sniffed, obviously unimpressed with the glamour. She walked purposely along the corridor, head angled to hear which direction to go in.

Suddenly hands clutched my throat and wrenched me backwards so I was held tightly to their chest, facing the shocked faces of Stefan, Bonnie and Caroline.

"What are you doing in this house?" An unfamiliar – hybrid – voice said in my ear.

Stefan took a step forward.

"Uh-uh. One step closer, and the human dies."

_He doesn't know what I am._ I realised suddenly. Stefan faltered.

I felt the hybrid's grip loosen somewhat. _He wouldn't expect an outburst from a pathetic human. _I thought with glee.

"You three are going to leave, and the human is going to come with me, so Klaus can use her precious blood…" He ran a chipped fingernail along my throat. "To make more of me."

"I have a _name._" I spat at him.

He seemed surprised, and tightened his grip around my neck. "So? You're human, and that is all that matters."

_What an idiot._

"Oh, really?" I asked sarcastically, and as quick as a flash I was out of his clutches and had snapped his neck.

Bonnie whimpered. "Oh Elena…"

I glanced at her, surprised. "What? He was just a hybrid."

But Bonnie still looked so sad. I supposed she was mourning my humanity. At any other point I would have paused and thought about what I had just done, but I just didn't care – not when Damon was in danger.

"Come on." I said sharply. Stefan looked at me, brooding, before following.

I sped forward. Any cover we'd previously had was blown, and there was no point in being subtle.

But then I stopped still, listening. I could hear them, properly now.

"Why would I trust you then, Damon? What makes you suddenly want to change sides?" It was Klaus.

I didn't understand. Damon wanted to join Klaus?

Then came Damon's answer, and it made me fall to the ground in shock.

"She chose Stefan, Klaus. That bitch is dead."

* * *

**Yeah, another major cliffhanger. **

**See you next week! (And don't forget to review)**

**-Belle-**

**xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Um, I'm really, really, really sorry for not updating. Yeah, I suck. You see, the charger for my laptop broke, and then - obviously - it ran out of battery, then it was ages before I could fix it. AND it was a slightly major cliffhanger... I'm so sorry about that. But I'm here now! :D**

* * *

Stefan hissed in a breath.

I stared incomprehensibly at the door. Damon had spoken in a low voice, so I had not been able to hear his… his _betrayal _before reaching the top floor.

But I heard it now. I heard how he truly felt.

Had I meant that little to him? So little that he could want me… want me _dead_ so quickly?

Surprisingly, no tears came. There was only a dull aching where my heart had once been.

Caroline placed a hand upon my shoulder, squeezing it as a pathetic gesture of comfort. I shook her off and stood up.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Bonnie looking very confused, and trying to ask Caroline what had happened. I felt a sudden, unjustified hatred for her, but I pushed it away.

"I am sorry to hear that. I'll admit I was routing for Stefan, but I did feel there was something between you and Elena." Klaus said, and surprisingly he did sound sorry. Caroline sniffed disdainfully. "But whilst I cannot even begin to understand your newfound hatred for the woman you claimed to love, I sense you do feel some bitterness. It would be a pleasure to work with you, Damon." He paused. "Although I do wish you wouldn't kill my hybrids so."

"I wasn't exactly going to knock on your door and invite you to tea, was I?" Damon drawled. His voice brought on a fresh wave of hurt.

"No, I suppose not." Was all Klaus said in reply.

"So we have an agreement, then?"

"Indeed we have."

"Then please join me in a drink."

Suddenly Caroline's eyes widened and she took two steps forward, hands outstretched towards the door.

"A drink? Damon you are aware this is _my _house." Klaus said, amused.

"I make it my priority to bring quality bourbon wherever I go – God forbid I taste the foul, cheap stuff."

Caroline reached the door, and shot me a wild, panicked look. I returned the gesture with a quizzical one.

There was the sound of clinking glass, and liquid being distributed.

"Cheers, Klaus."

"Indeed."

Caroline threw open the door with a bang, and was at Klaus' side in a flash.

Damon looked up, baffled, in time to see her throw the glass from Klaus' hand across the room and to smash into the wall.

Klaus gaped at Caroline, who said something to him in quiet, hurried tones. Damon turned and stared at me.

I met his gaze with a cold look, which I hoped portrayed all my hurt in one, then turned and refused to look at him. He flinched, and started towards me…

…only to be pushed to the floor by Klaus, who took Damon's head in a swift lock and made out to twist.

Despite myself I shrieked, and threw myself at Klaus.

But Caroline intercepted me, smashing a hand across my cheek, her face contorted in distinctly un-Caroline-like rage.

"Caroline?" I asked, hurt. But she hit me again, right on the face. Blood trickled from my nose and split lip, and I felt one of my teeth twist to unnatural angle.

I couldn't bring myself to hit her, and she lifted her fist for the third time, but then buckled and screamed, her hands pressed to her head. Where she fell to the floor, I saw Bonnie behind her, openly weeping but relentless in her attack upon her best friend.

I spun round, wildly searching for Damon. There he was – attacking Klaus fruitlessly.

Klaus placed a murderous hand around Damon's heart and began squeezing. I screamed.

And then Stefan was wrenching Klaus away, roaring in some primal bellow. Damon stood and together with Stefan they beat at the Original. Hybrids ran in, growling. I felt relief wash over me, and I stepped back to glance at Bonnie.

Only once again something grabbed me. I struggled and kicked at it, but it was gripping me much too tight.

"So the human's become a vampire?" It hissed. I lashed out and raked my hands down the hybrid's cheek. He let out a short, barking laugh and squeezed at my throat. My world began to darken.

I could faintly see Bonnie fighting another hybrid, and Damon and Stefan still fighting Klaus.

_Can you strangle a vampire to death? _I wondered dreamily as black spots danced in my vision. _It's doubtful, but I do feel awfully woozy…_

"Get _off _her!" Someone snarled, tearing at the hybrid. The hands grew slack and something round, head-like and grisly bounced to the floor. Caroline drew me into a hug, but I pulled myself free, glaring at her.

"Caroline I don't understand. Whose side are you on?" I asked accusingly.

"I'm on no one's _side. _You're my best friend, Elena. But I feel something for Klaus, and when Damon was going to do that to him I just had to stop it. I _can't _lose him, not until I work things out." She babbled in a rush.

"But what was Damon going to do? How did you _know?_"

"I'll tell you later. Right now we've got to help Bonnie!" She flew at a snarling hybrid that was fast approaching the struggling witch.

I was so distracted by the hybrids, I didn't see Stefan thrown across the room, into the wall to slide to the floor in an ungainly heap.

I did, however, see Damon turn away from Klaus to help him. I saw Klaus grab a broken chair leg. I saw him lift it triumphantly behind Damon's back. I saw him plunge it forward, deep into Stefan's chest.

I shrieked and in a flash I was next to Stefan, gripping his arm.

He'd seen Klaus, where Damon hadn't. He'd moved in between, where I hadn't. He'd taken the blow, where his brother hadn't.

And now he was falling, falling through my arms to the floor. Damon fell next to him, cushioning his head in his arms.

"Why, little brother? Why can't you let me _die?_" Damon choked out.

Stefan smiled faintly, what little colour he'd had was fast fading from his face. "She chose you, Damon." He gurgled. Damon didn't even glance at me. "Do you think I'd let you go, without knowing that?"

"I'm sorry, Stefan." Damon whispered. "I'm sorry for being such a jackass."

Stefan shook his head weakly. "I ruined your life, brother. You had every right."

"I should have forgiven you." Damon murmured. "I did. I forgave you long ago." I was almost certain his eyes were wet.

Stefan's smile faded, and his eyes glassed over. He turned that unnatural shade of grey that happened to vampires when they died, and veins appeared along his skin.

Damon was silent. A tear fell onto Stefan's lifeless form.

I let go of Stefan's arm and looked up at Klaus, challenging him to say something. Caroline was clutching his arm, her head buried in his shoulder. No one spoke, not even the hybrids – who were standing a distance away.

Finally Damon picked up Stefan's body and walked away without another look back.

I, however, looked reproachfully at where Klaus and Caroline were standing, making them look away – ashamed.

Then I stood up, and with Bonnie, we followed Damon down the stairs.

* * *

**You know, I never actually planned to kill off Stefan. I'd really planned for him and Katherine to end up together (I always thought they were cute in a weird, twisted way) but it just wouldn't work - you know? It just seemed to happen. So wave goodbye to Stefan! I'm almost sad to see him go... haha, yeah right.**


	9. Chapter 9

Stefan's funeral was simple.

It was in the woods; a small gathering.

We had it at dusk, when the air was still warm, but the light was fading. We each held a candle, like we had when Alaric was 'dying'. I spoke a few words, as did Bonnie. Damon said nothing; he only leant against the tree and stubbornly refused to cry.

Katherine came, which surprised us all, and Rebekah too. No one knew how Katherine came to hear about it, but she was there nonetheless. She wept continuously, while Rebekah looked upset and furious, and they both screamed at Caroline afterwards.

Tyler was moody all through it, having been found and filled in on everything - including Caroline's outburst. To say that it was awkward between them would be the exaggeration to end all exaggerations.

Jeremy was there, as was Matt. They stood there, a little uncomfortably.

Like Katherine, I cried the whole way through it, clinging to Bonnie like she was my one link to sanity. Stefan was gone, and that killed me. I had loved him, _so, so _much that it hurt. He had brought me back from the brink after Mom and Dad died, and I had took his heart and stamped on it in return. The way I saw it, I was the reason Stefan died. He sacrificed himself so Damon and I could be together – if I had chosen him then I would still have him. He would still be here. But what hurt the most was that our last proper conversation had been me crushing his hopes. I could _never _make it up to him, and that thought was whirling through my mind as I wept and hugged Bonnie.

I wished I could comfort - and be comforted by - Damon, but his words still echoed in my mind.

_She chose Stefan, Klaus. That bitch is dead._

I didn't know if he really felt that way or not, but regardless I couldn't ask him. Not while he was grieving for his brother.

After the funeral Damon left without a word. I went to follow him, but Matt told me to let him alone for the night. He needed space.

So instead I cornered Caroline.

"Now you are going to tell me." I instructed, determined through my tears. "What was Damon going to do to Klaus?"

She looked wearily at me. "He mixed wolfsbane and vervain into the bourbon."

I stared expectantly.

She sighed. "When mixed, they begin to wear away at each other, until they appear weaker, and are almost tasteless. But they still work. In fact, they bond together - and when consumed by a hybrid they have devastating consequences."

"Death?"

Caroline shook her head. "The mixture eats away at the vampire and werewolf parts of the hybrid, until they are almost gone – but not quite. He or she becomes trapped in their body, barely conscious but still alive. They remain like that for all eternity – decomposing but still living, unable to move but for a few twitches."

I stared at her, shocked. "That's _horrible._"

"I know. Now do you understand why I couldn't let Damon do that to Klaus?"

I looked away. "I do." I sniffed. "But I don't understand how you knew that."

She blushed. After a pause, she said, "Klaus told me… he said if I wouldn't trust him due to what he said to me, then maybe I'd trust him if_ he_ trusted _me_ with his greatest weakness."

"So you knew Klaus was alive? You didn't tell us?" I accused.

Caroline looked uncomfortable. "He visited me. I… was going to tell you Elena, I swear but… I couldn't. Then Damon saw me with him, I mean, it was only for a second, but he recognised Klaus. He accused me of knowing something, but I didn't know anything, you have to believe me, I thought… I thought he wouldn't go after you because… because," She faltered, and turned even redder. "Because of me."

"But how did you know _Damon_ knew about Klaus' weakness?"

"I didn't. But from the moment Bonnie told me Damon had found a 'better way' I had been trying to work out what it was. I was praying to God it wasn't… _that_. Then Damon offered Klaus a drink and I just knew there was no denying it then." Caroline sighed. "I am sorry, Elena. If I could go back in time -"

"No." I said gently. "You did what you had to do."

She smiled weakly at me, and for a brief pause neither one of us spoke. Then my female side got the better of me, and I asked, "So there's something going on between you and Klaus? What about Tyler?"

She let out a sort of strangled moan. "I don't know what to do about Tyler! I love him, yes, but then there's Klaus, and I'm just so muddled up in my feelings… I don't want to leave Tyler, but I don't want to prevent anything happening between Klaus and me, even if he is a complete jerk! I just… URGH!" She yanked at her hair, eyes scrunched up in despair. I knew exactly how she felt, after all; a couple of days ago I'd been in the same position.

* * *

The following afternoon I knocked on the door of the Boarding House, worried about Damon.

From inside I heard a voice – Damon's – telling me to go away. From the sound of it he was in the sitting room, and I could hear the noise of bourbon being poured. I waited.

"I said go away, Elena." He spoke after a little while.

"Damon -"

"_Go away!"_ A glass smashed against the door, making me jump.

"Alright," I muttered sadly.

Caroline tried the next day. She told him she was sorry through the door. He told her to go do something anatomically impossible and frankly uncalled for.

The following day I sent Bonnie. Apparently they had a heated argument through the door, and she left in a huff.

Next I tried Matt. Damon didn't even bother answering.

Finally I tried Jeremy, and for some strange reason Damon opened the door.

To this day I have no idea what passed between them, but from then on they shared an odd, twisted sort of friendship. When Jeremy returned, he merely said "Try tomorrow," and went up to play videogames in his room.

So I did.

* * *

I knocked on the door, and waited.

After a moment Damon opened the door, and stared down at me, arms crossed.

"Hi," It was a slightly lame thing to say, but it was all that had come to me.

"Hi."

"You opened the door," I pointed out, trying to sound pleased. All I really felt was worry that he didn't want me.

"Yes."

"I chose you," I blurted out suddenly, then blushed bright red.

Damon looked away. "He's dead, Elena."

The tears were back, prickling insistently behind my eyes. "I know." I whispered. He refused to look at me.

I just stared up at him through my tears. Then, "I hadn't remembered." At his puzzled look I hurried on. "- When you asked me. I thought you meant something else. And then I remembered we met first, after I tried to kiss you. But you had already left. I remembered you telling me you loved me later that night at Caroline's." I sniffed. "Oh Damon… I realised I loved you in that moment, that long ago, but I couldn't say anything because of the compulsion… and it was _horrible._" I wept. "But I do love you, and now that I can tell you I don't think I'll ever stop."

Throughout my little speech Damon had been staring at me emotionlessly. Now he spoke carefully. "You know why we can't be together, don't you?"

I suddenly went very cold. It was as if he'd wrenched out my heart and stomped on it in front of me. "What?" I whispered. "Is this because… because of what you… you told Klaus?"

He looked horrified. "Oh, _no_, Elena. I could _never _think that way about you. I only said that so Klaus would believe me… I wouldn't ever… I_ love _you_._"

"Then why?" I asked in a small voice.

"He's dead. My little brother is dead because you chose me."

The cold feeling was suddenly replaced with hot, red anger burning its way through me. _"What?" _I hissed. "You're saying it's _my _fault? You're saying Stefan died because of _me_? How _dare_ you!"

Damon narrowed his eyes, and said coldly, "It's not your fault that he's dead. It's mine. I shouldn't have made you fall in love with me."

His words were only fuel to my outrage. _ "Made _me fall in love with you? Nobody made me do _anything!_ I am in love with you because I believed that under that ass-act of yours, you actually cared. Quite clearly I was wrong – you're just an ass!"

Now Damon was angry too. "Oh yeah," He scoffed. "I'm the ass. It's not as if you led me on with lingering looks and kisses, only to tell me you would never choose me!"

"I'm here aren't I?" I shouted. "I'm here telling you I love you, and you're telling me we can't be together!"

"That's because he's _dead!"_ Damon roared. "He's dead because of _me _and _my_ selfishness!"

"That's not a reason!" I screamed at him.

"I don't need to give you a stupid reason other than that! WE. CAN'T. BE. TOGETHER! CAPICHE?!" His eyes were narrow and furious, his fists clenched, nostrils flaring.

I shot him one long, furious look and sped off. Behind me I heard the distinct sound of Damon swearing loudly, and then the shattering of something expensive. I didn't care. I ran blindly through the trees, unable to see through my tears of fury.

I wouldn't think about Damon.

I _refused _to think about Damon.

I shouldn't even think his name.

Jerk.

Douche.

_Ass._

Damn – I was thinking about him.

I smashed my fist into a tree, tearing through wood and it toppled over, falling with an ear-shattering crash.

I kept running.

I didn't think about him.

I dried my eyes and just kept running.

And when I chanced across a hiker, I drained him dry of blood and felt infinitely better.

_Stupid Damon._

* * *

**Remember to review x**


	10. Chapter 10

**You may have noticed I changed my pen name to **_**'A Wind Has Blown the Sky Away' **_**which, although is far more pretentious, is prettier (hee hee). If you're wondering, it is a miss quotation from the poem by E.E Cummings;**

_**a wind has blown the rain away and blown**_

_**the sky away and all the leaves away,**_

_**and the trees stand. I think I too have known**_

_**autumn too long…etc**_

* * *

I didn't tell Caroline I had killed someone else when she asked what was wrong. Instead I sobbed and raged against the idiot I had fallen in love with. She paced the room and offered a few comforting words, cursing him with increasing vigour as the evening went on.

I got all my fury out, and then I was just an empty shell of nothingness.

I fell onto the sofa, exhausted, and spent the night tossing and turning. What little sleep I did manage was haunted by Damon.

I spent the following day at school – for once – although I didn't concentrate.

I couldn't concentrate.

Then when evening fell, I killed another person. It was easy, really. I found a woman walking alone, compelled her to follow me down an alley, kept her calm, and then drank from her.

I only meant to drink a little – honestly. But Damon's face flashed in front of my eyes, and the fury added on to the bloodlust made me unable to stop. I disposed of the body, and arrived back at Caroline's at around two o'clock in the morning.

Thus became my daily routine. Killing distracted me from the hurt, and the blood high sent it scurrying to hide in the corners of my mind. Then I didn't just need it to get rid of the pain Damon caused me, I needed it to get rid of the guilt over the lives of all those people.

I didn't wonder what Damon was doing. Well, that's a lie. I wondered constantly. Did he miss me? Did he regret what he said? Would he come back and apologise? Was that him, there? Or was that him?

I could tell Caroline was worried about me, that she suspected I was killing people. I gave her no evidence, however, and she said nothing to me.

I missed Damon with every fibre of my being. I missed his irritating smirk, his 'eye thing', those precious seconds when his vulnerable eyes told you everything. I missed his voice, his laugh, I missed hugging him, I missed – regardless of how little we had done it – kissing him, I missed shouting at him, bickering with him and even raging at him.

When I told Caroline this, she told me that I should go and snog him. She claimed he would not be able to resist, and that we would be going out in no time. I dismissed this idea as ridiculous.

For a month I lived at Caroline's, and I didn't see Damon once. I went to school, pretended I had a normal life, then – not every day, but often – during the night, when I couldn't sleep, I would drive to a random town and drink from someone, dispose of the body and return to sleep for three or four hours.

Eventually I sensed that Caroline and her mom were tired of me staying there, no matter how much they loved me, and besides; Jeremy missed me and I didn't see him as much as I would like.

So I decided I was strong enough to move back home. I didn't kill because I had no control, I killed because I liked it. Obviously I wouldn't enjoy killing Jeremy, so what was the harm?

I didn't want to risk Jeremy discovering that I killed people, so I limited my trips to whenever I was properly hungry, and could safely get away.

It worked perfectly, and for another two months of school, killing and an aching heart; I was as content as I could be without Damon. To say that I was happy would be ridiculous. I was far from it. I was miserable. But there was nothing I could do about it but bask in the numb euphoria of drinking.

* * *

Then I left it too long to feed, and as I rattled open the front door with hands shaking from hunger, Jeremy came downstairs.

"Elena? What are you doing?" He asked sleepily.

He smelt tantalisingly of human blood, and my fangs threatened to slide out. "Nothing Jer' – just go back to bed." I said quickly, praying he would obey.

But instead he angled his head, taking in my whereabouts. "Are you going somewhere?" He stepped forward towards me, and the intensity of the smell increased.

My fangs came out, and the veins bulged beneath my eyes.

"Oh," He said, stopping short. "You're hungry."

I nodded sheepishly, trying hard to quell the feeling, but with no success.

"Are we out of blood bags?" He asked, turning to look at the kitchen.

We weren't, because the stash I had brought to pretend that I was being a good lil' vampire hadn't been touched. "Uh…" I began, but Jeremy had already reached the fridge.

"There's loads here Elena, in fact…" He paused. "I don't think you've taken any." He looked at me, confused. "Elena? What's going on?"

"Uh…" I said again, frantically searching for something to say.

Jeremy's face darkened with suspicion. "You haven't drunk any at all. And that means… that means you've been drinking from people."

My hand tightened on the doorknob. I wished Jeremy would go away, so I could go and drink and be done with it.

"It's true, isn't it Elena?" He asked sharply, but before I could respond the blood had drained from his face. "All those missing people on the news… it was _you._" He whispered, horrified.

Suddenly he was marching towards me, blood bag in hand. "Well I'm not going to let you kill another innocent person, Elena. You're going to drink this," He gestured to the blood bag. "Then I'm going to call Damon and we'll get you sorted out."

My blood went cold. He was going to call Damon. I couldn't let him do that. I couldn't let Damon know what I had become. In seconds I was standing right in front of my younger brother. I only meant to compel him so he would forget and wouldn't tell Damon, but he gasped, and his exposed throat tightened with fear. Instead I found myself drinking his blood. And _oh _it felt so good. I was so hungry, and nothing was better than the sensation of warm blood flowing into your mouth after such stabbing hunger no human had ever experienced.

It felt like an age before I realised what I was doing. I shrieked and let Jeremy fall to the ground, panic rising through me.

_Please don't be dead. _

_Please don't be dead._

_Please – Please – Please don't be dead._

I fell next to him, and frantically felt for a pulse. It was faint, but it was there.

Relief rushed through me, but then the crushing guilt made me want to cry out.

I just almost killed Jeremy. I was wrong. I didn't have control. I wasn't ready to live at home again. I felt the rising hysteria, and I reached for my phone, eyes heavy with unshed tears.

Before I realised what I was doing, I had dialled Damon's number and was holding the phone against my ear.

"Elena?"

"Oh Damon!" I gasped, clutching Jeremy's weak hand in my own shaking one.

"What is it?" I could hear the panic and concern imminent in his voice, and I longed for him in a way that frightened me.

"It's… Jeremy."

"What's happened? Is he alright? Are _you _alright?"

"I'm fine, it's just…" I drew in a shuddering breath that I didn't require. "Oh, Damon, I need your help."


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey. How's life? Can you believe the next season starts so soon? A week has never felt so long.**

* * *

I don't know what I was expecting when Damon burst through that door – maybe some exclamation of anger or disappointment or shock, but I certainly didn't expect him to kiss me on the lips, which is exactly what he did.

It was only for a moment, and was more of an expression of relief that I was okay than one of passion or love, but it completely scrambled my brain nonetheless.

Then he roughly pushed past me and knelt next to Jeremy, who was pale, his slowing heart beating unevenly. Damon speedily bit his wrist and pressed it to Jeremy's mouth, forcing him to drink.

Silently I cursed myself for being so stupid. Instead of panicking and getting hysterical I should have simply given him my blood. I needed to keep calm. I was a vampire now; I didn't always have to go crawling to Damon.

On the other hand, it gave me a well-needed excuse to see him again after such a long time missing him.

When Damon had given Jeremy a sufficient amount of blood, he retracted his wrist and hoisted up my brother, taking him into the other room where he placed him down on the sofa.

He then closed the sitting room door, and turned on me. "What the _hell _were you thinking, Elena?"

"I didn't mean to!" I protested, irritated at his superior tone. "It's not like I wanted to almost kill my brother!"

"That's not what I mean! How could you move back in here without being absolutely sure you could control yourself?"

"Well I didn't have a choice," I snapped. "Caroline and her mom were tired of me living there, and I wasn't exactly going to go back to _you._"

"This isn't about _us _– this is about the life of your little brother!" Damon's tone was angry.

But he wasn't the only one. "I just don't understand you Damon!" I snarled. "You spent all that time loving me, wishing I would choose you and then when I did you didn't want me! I mean I can understand that you wanted to honour your brother's memory, but he practically gave us his blessing on his deathbed! I tried to be understanding! I gave you time to mourn for Stefan! Hell, I gave _myself _time to mourn for Stefan! But _still _you refuse to let me love you!"

"He died, Elena!"

"He died so _we could be together! _You're not mourning him, or honouring his memory, you're rejecting his last and greatest gift to you! Stefan gave his _life _for you! For _us!_"

"_Exactly!_ He shouldn't have had to! He should have been given the chance to _live!"_

"_Well he wasn't!"_ I shouted. Damon stared at me, breathing hard. "He wasn't." I said again, quieter. "You can't change what happened, Damon. Stefan died and I am so, _so _sorry but you stubbornly refusing to love me won't bring him back. _Nothing _can bring him back."

There was a long silence. "Maybe you should try harder to appreciate your brother while he's still alive, then." He whispered after a while.

"Look Damon, I'm sorry I put you through this, I'm sorry it reminded you of Stefan, but it's not as if I enjoyed the experience."

"Well I'm sorry Elena, but I can't let you stay here. If you hurt him again, not only will you be killing the only friend I have left, but you'll never forgive yourself."

"Fine!" I snarled. "I'll go rot on the street; it's not as if _you _care!"

He sighed. "Elena, it's not just about Stefan's death. I'm not… _good _like Stefan was. I can't guarantee I'll never lose control and kill someone, and I know that's not the sort of guy you want."

When I was human, I had looked at Damon and _known. _Known that this man, this… _incredible _man was capable of killing innocent people; that he was nothing like Stefan. When I had looked into his eyes and seen love and caring and a fierce need to protect me and such indescribable goodness, I had seen the shadows too. The pain and suffering and deaths and the feelings he switched off had all been in there, sitting in plain sight.

And although these shadows excited me in some primal, unexplainable way… they had also terrified me. How could I even _consider_, for one moment, being with this man who carried one hundred and seventy years of torment? And rationally I had known Stefan was no saint either, but his eyes had looked at me and all I saw there was pure. His shadows had been shoved deep – _deep – _down and even if I had wanted to (which I most certainly hadn't) I would not have been able to drag them out without causing some irreparable damage to us both.

Damon, however, had lain bare in front of me. His walls tumbled down and he hid nothing, because he believed he could trust me.

And this had scared me senseless. I had seen him and – yes, a part of me had wanted to fly into his arms and comfort him and tell him _it's all right, I'm here now _and be consumed by all these emotions he brought out of me_._ But the larger, cowardly part of me turned tail and ran, ran to safety in the form of Stefan's arms, and stayed with simple, bland emotions I could understand and keep in check.

But I was a vampire now.

None of my emotions were bland and simple and understandable, and I could keep none of these emotions in check. I knew if someone looked into my eyes they too would see shadows; memories of innocent people killed, cruel laughter and a dull, aching, all-too-familiar pain. When I looked into Damon's eyes now – yes, a part of me wanted to turn tail and run to safety, but a larger, determined and embarrassingly love-struck part of me wanted, no, _needed _to fly into his arms and comfort him and tell him _it's all right, I'm here now._ And I needed him to do the same to me, because otherwise how could I bare to continue in this sick, twisted existence?

So as Damon stood in front of me now, and questioned whether I could love _all_ of him and not just his light, but his shadows too; well… it was all I could do to stop myself from yelling at him in frustration at the absurd idea that I could be so hypocritical, so selfish; so darn _stupid! _And the fact that the man I loved so much it was painful could believe even for a second that I would do that, hurt. But what hurt the most was the knowledge that it was my stupidity as a human that had caused him to even consider me doing that.

I loved him. _All _of him, and even if it took me eternity to prove that to him, then so be it. I deserved it after everything I had done. So I told him he was an idiot, threw my arms around him and kissed him.

He wrapped his around my waist and I put my arms around his neck. After a period of time that was certainly not long enough I reluctantly pulled away - hands still wrapped firmly around him - and Damon made a low noise of protest in his throat.

"Do you still believe that you're not the sort of guy I want?" I demanded. "I want _you!"_

"Okay, so maybe I'm persuadable," He admitted.

I chuckled, and then whispered, "I missed you. God, you don't know how much I missed you,"

"I missed you too," He said huskily, and he kissed me again.

Once more I pulled away. "So does this mean… can we be together now?"

Damon grinned. "Definitely." He kissed me one more time, only this time I didn't pull away.

* * *

Jeremy was okay, thank God, but Bonnie was furious with me. She threatened to take away my daylight ring, and I wryly wondered what she'd do if she knew I'd been killing people to stop the pain I felt after Damon rejected me. After Jeremy woke up, I quickly compelled him to forget what he had discovered – I was with Damon now, so I would not be killing anyone else. There was no point making a fuss over something in the past.

I noticed Jeremy looking quietly pleased that she was so upset about this, and I absentmindedly wondered if there was still something going on between the two of them.

Damon made me move into the Boarding House until I 'gained control' – or that was what he claimed. I just wanted to live with my boyfriend.

_Boyfriend._

It sent a little shiver of delight down my spine to think of Damon as my boyfriend. I would always miss Stefan – he had been my first love, but I don't think I was ever half as happy with him as I am with Damon.

I was utterly in love with Damon, but there was something wrong. As much as I enjoyed spending time with him, as much as my heart raced when he subconsciously took my hand, no matter how many times he made me laugh, something was missing.

I couldn't sleep at night, as I lay curled beside an adorable sleeping Damon, his arm wrapped around me; I simply stared up at the ceiling, restless.

This lasted for many nights. I got crankier from lack of sleep, and was crueller to Damon than I should have been. Blood just didn't satisfy my hunger, everything everyone said was annoying.

Finally one night I couldn't take it. I slipped from Damon's room and stood outside in the cold night air. I wandered around for a long time – almost two hours.

As if in a dream I found myself at a small house.

As if in a dream I heard the man's shout of terror, the woman's scream.

As if in a dream I drained first him, then her until they were nothing but a dry, crinkled exterior.

As if in a dream I heard the child's ragged breathing and found her hiding place.

As if in a dream I took in her eyes wide with horror and such fear she should never have felt at her age.

As if in a dream I drank a bit of her blood, but finding myself full decided against draining her.

As if in a dream I killed her anyway, just for fun.

Only then did I feel drowsy, and returned to the Boarding House. As an afterthought I washed the blood off my face, before climbing into bed with my beloved and sleeping until way past midday.

At long last, I was happy.

I was a vampire.

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**Remember to review to fuel my writing! x**


	12. Chapter 12

**Ugh. There was SO much stelena in that episode. At least series 4 has started though! And in the promo for the next episode Elena appeared to be making out with Damon's hand... seems promising! What did you guys think of it?**

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"Where where you last night?"

I glanced up, panic setting in. "What? Oh, nowhere..."

Damon's forehead wrinkled. "But I woke up and you were gone,"

I sipped my coffee uneasily. "Oh, yeah, that. I was in the shower."

"No you weren't." Damon pulled up the chair opposite me and scrutinised my face.

"Yes I was," It came out with a nervous giggle, and his eyebrow raised.

"Elena, I listened to see where you were, and you weren't in the house. Besides, who takes a shower at three o'clock in the morning?" His tone was light, but I could tell he was troubled.

I searched for an excuse. "Alright." I said finally. "I wasn't in the shower. I was at Caroline's… she was upset because she had a fight with Tyler, but she didn't want me to tell you that. Oops."

Damon visibly relaxed. "Vampire Barbie, eh? I should have guessed." He grinned at me, and my heart constricted. "Maybe next time you could leave a note to tell me you're okay – For all I knew you were being mauled by a werewolf."

"Okay," I agreed. Internally, I winced. I hated lying to Damon.

"Now," He cracked his knuckles. "To the matter at hand. Klaus is still alive, and probably still pissed that he can't make any more of his hybrid buddies. _Ever_. The doppelgänger line ends with you."

"Right. What do you think we should do about that? If we kill Klaus you, Caroline, Bonnie's mum, Tyler and possibly me will all die. If we do the vervain-wolfsbane thing Caroline will kill us because she feels something for Klaus. Plus Klaus knows we know about that."

He shrugged. "We could try and find another way of sorting him out. De-Eviling him, so to speak."

"That sounds unlikely to work." I said dubiously. "And we'd have to search through a hell of a lot of grimoires. How did you find out about Klaus' weakness in the first place?"

"Elijah dropped a hint a while back; I've been researching ever since."

"What? Why didn't you tell us?"

Damon shifted, averting my gaze and staring at the ground. "I wasn't sure it would lead anywhere at first, and then when I found it, I was going to; I had the page from the book and everything, but… you tried to kiss me and I left."

I felt a flush of guilt burn in my cheeks, and I bit my lip. I felt terrible about that day. I could still see Damon's shocked, betrayed face that I was still stringing him along as always. "Yeah; sorry about that," I muttered.

He grinned. "No need to be sorry, you can kiss me any time you want now," To prove his point, he leaned across the table and pressed his lips to mine. I smiled against him, reaching up to deepen the kiss. Then he pulled back, smirking. "Plus I'm _incredibly _hard to resist. Stronger girls than you have fallen for me and my faultless charm through the decades."

I rolled my eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. "I hate to break it to you, but you're not as charming as you think you are. More of an incredibly annoying –"

"-Ass?" His eyes were twinkling with mirth.

I smirked right back at him. "Exactly."

Damon feigned hurt, his eyes widening with mock-injustice. "Well you're not as pretty as you think you are,"

"Huh!" I 'hmmphed' and playfully shoved his arm. "Then why are you with me, if I'm so ugly?"

"Well…" He stroked his chin, thinking. "I didn't say 'ugly' exactly… more: mildly unattractive."

I raised an eyebrow, but I couldn't keep away my smile entirely. "So I suppose it's more about what's inside then?"

He looked aghast. "Oh good God, no! I'm only with you because I have no better offers at the moment."

I crossed my arms and tried my best to look offended, but I failed and just laughed. Damon joined in, but as I saw how happy he looked, my laugher subsided to a half-hearted chuckle and I frowned slightly. I had to tell him. But how could I? How _exactly _would I explain that to him?

"_Hey honey, just thought you ought to know I've been killing a load of people lately… and loving it. Thought it would stop when we got together, but it didn't. So… yeah. I've killed a lot of people. Even though I spent my human-life telling you off for doing just that. Ahem. How do you feel about that?"_

It was ridiculous. I wasn't about to drop a bomb like that this early in the morning. I sighed and took a gulp of the scalding hot coffee. It was nothing compared to the fulfilment that blood gave me, that rich, content and _whole _feeling I felt in my belly. That blissful sensation that made me drowsy with satisfaction…

I stood up abruptly and walked quickly over to Damon's decanter of bourbon, pouring myself a glass. The strong, burning liquid soothed the raw thirst I felt for blood and dulled my senses.

"Elena?" Damon sounded worried again. Silently I cursed myself. Obviously Damon would wonder why I was hitting the happy juice at nine o'clock in the morning.

"Uh, yes?" I put the empty glass back down on the table, turning to face him with an uncomfortable expression. "Sorry… I was thirsty."

"For bourbon?" He raised an eyebrow sarcastically, however his mouth was pulled up into a grimace.

"No, for blood. Alcohol lessens the thirst, remember?" I tried to sound like he should have assumed this immediately, and I was faultless, but it came out all squeaky and unsure.

He folded his arms, eyebrow still raised. "Then why don't you just have a blood bag?"

_Because drinking blood I haven't killed doesn't block the pain, and all I feel is guilt when I remember what I've done._

"Uh, I don't really feel like one?" It came out as a question.

"I thought you said you were thirsty,"

I fumbled around for something to say, but at that moment my phone rang.

_Thank God. _I seized my chance to turn away from Damon and pressed it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey Elena." It was Caroline.

"Hey Caroline. What's up?"

She breathed heavily. "Can we talk?"

"Sure, why?"

"Just… can you come over? I mean, you're not doing anything important are you?"

I turned to look at Damon. He shook his head, frowning. His message was clear: _We need to talk about this. Tell her you can't talk and put the phone down so you can explain why you're acting so weirdly._

I met his eyes. I knew what the right thing to do was. I should be honest with Damon, tell him what had been eating me up for so long. But I couldn't. Damon's eyes pleaded with me, and I looked straight at him as I spoke.

"No Caroline, I'm not doing anything important. I'll be there in a minute, 'kay?"

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**Reviews are wonderful!**

**~Belle**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone. What did you think of the new episode? Damon certainly seemed to enjoy that blood sharing scene...It was a little 'personal' haha.**

* * *

The first thing Caroline said to me when she opened the door was: "You _need_ to help me."

I was a little taken aback at the desperation in her voice and wild eyes, and I had to take a breath before I stuttered out a reply. "S-sure Caroline, what's wrong?"

She let out a frustrated, animalistic noise and bared her fangs at me. I flinched.

"Are you hungry?"

"No I'm not freaking _hungry!"_ She screeched out and yanked at her poor blonde hair, growling.

"Whoa, calm down, okay? Just… tell me what's wrong." I ordered, coming in and shutting the door behind me.

"_Him!" _She spat. _"HE'S _what's wrong!"

"Who? Damon?"

She whirled on me. "NO! _Elena!_ It's not always about _you_ and your _precious _Damon! Why can't you think about someone _else _for a change?! _Ugh!"_ In her rage she smashed a scented candle that thankfully wasn't lit and glass and bits of wax cascaded over my feet.

"Caroline _calm down,"_ I pleaded. "Who are you talking about then?" I internally braced myself for her explosion, but instead she almost… deflated, and I found that I was staring at a hunched figure curled up on herself, who looked almost hopeless, desperate for some guidance as to what to do.

Then she spoke a name, and she poured all her emotion and more into that one syllable; and the way she said it sent a shiver down my spine and a shudder through my body.

"_Klaus."_

* * *

After Stefan died, and Damon retreated into his house and a glass of bourbon, I turned to Caroline. But I didn't really listen.

She tried telling me that she was so confused by everything; that she couldn't comprehend her feelings for Klaus and Tyler, but I was too busy worrying about Damon; worrying about myself.

She tried telling me that Klaus had started visiting her, before all this started, but I was too absorbed in my guilt.

She tried to talk to me about the whole messed up situation, to tell me that she needed a friend to confide in, but I moved out and pined for Damon.

Finally I came to her; ready to listen, but it wasn't because I realised she was so distraught. It was because of my own selfish reasons, and Caroline knew that. She knew that even though she had held my hand and listened to me whine whilst trying to deal with her own complex emotions, I wouldn't do the same for her.

And as I watched my best friend - the neurotic, organised, self-conscious, blonde vampire - weep on the floor, I realised how self-centred I had become, and how I had let her down when she needed me most. And I _hated _myself.

"Caroline…" I whispered, kneeling beside her and putting a comforting arm around her shaking shoulders. "Caroline, I'm so sorry."

She sniffed. "I just… I just need someone to tell me what to do, okay? I need you to tell me who to choose. Just…" Her voice went hoarse with emotion, and it came out as a whisper. "Please, Elena, what should I _do?"_

"Tell me what happened, okay sweetie?" I helped her up and we went over to the sofa, as I rubbed her arms reassuringly.

"Alright," She drew a shuddering breath, an old habit left over from humanity. "You know Klaus has always had a… _thing_ for me, right? Well, after Bonnie brought him back, he came to me. He was all cocky, told me we'd shared a first kiss. I thought he was crazy, I didn't even understand how he was alive. Then he explained. When he was in Tyler's body, I kissed him. So as you can imagine, I freaked out on him. I mean… didn't he understand how _creepy _that was? I slapped him, yelled at him and then I stormed off to find either you or Stefan or Damon. I found Damon; I think it was while you were hunting with Stefan. Well, I tried to tell him Klaus was alive, but I couldn't bring myself to. I tried; I really did. It's just I… couldn't."

I squeezed her hand. "I get it,"

She shut her eyes. "Damon suspected I was hiding something when I didn't say anything. He tried to get me to tell him, but I couldn't. He started to get angry, but then Stefan phoned him to say you'd run off and he couldn't find you. Obviously Damon panicked and went off to save you. So I guess… thanks."

I shot her a wry smirk. "Any time,"

Caroline offered me a half-hearted smile before continuing. "I didn't quite know what to do with myself; I couldn't work out why I didn't tell Damon about Klaus… I just wandered around Mystic Falls, confused. And then," She sighed. "And then Tyler came. I saw him before he saw me, and instead of being thrilled about my boyfriend being alive, I felt this impending sense of doom and I _really _didn't want to talk to him. It seems I was out of luck though, 'cause he saw me and then he was in front of me and tried to kiss me. I just had this image of the last time I kissed him – and how it was _Klaus_ – and I couldn't kiss him. It was too weird. I stuttered out some hare-brained excuse and turned and fled." Her head rolled back onto the sofa and she squeezed her eyes shut. "It's all so complicated!" Her eyes snapped open suddenly. "Then he came again, and he was apologising, saying it was wrong – that he was sorry."

I pictured Klaus apologising and admitting he was wrong; but I couldn't quite manage it. It didn't fit with the mental image I held of him.

"I tried to stay angry at him – I was at first, but he wouldn't allow it. And it was hard; he can be so charming… So despite myself, I forgave him. I found myself thankful that he was still alive. Of course I didn't admit this to him, and he was upset, so he told me his weakness: the way to defeat him – if I wanted to."

I smiled at her. It was obvious Klaus really loved her, and I was moved by his trust.

"That _jackass!" _She spat, shocking me. "He put me in the worst position possible! How could he do that? How could he make me as good as choose between him and my friends? And of course I had to choose him. I couldn't condemn him to that. So I _betrayed_ you." She sobbed.

"It's fine, Caroline." I soothed.

"I betrayed you!" She shouted. "And now Stefan is dead because of _me. _I as good as _killed _him!"

"It's not your fault, Care'. You just did what any other person in love would." I told her, even though a part of me was reliving Stefan's death with renewed pain. Would it have made a difference? Would Stefan have died if we knew Damon could take out Klaus just by offering him a drink? Maybe. Maybe not. I was suddenly filled with a fierce hatred for her. She killed him. She killed Stefan. I narrowed my eyes, but said nothing, listening to her with a concerned expression.

"Love," She whispered; her tone expressionless. "Is that what I'm feeling? Do I love Klaus?"

"I can't answer that Caroline, I'm sorry. I don't know what you're feeling." I admitted, my hands forming fists.

She ignored me. "He kept… visiting me… I found myself enjoying the time I spent with him – even looking forward to it! Then… then Damon saw us together. Only for like, a moment, but he saw Klaus. I guess that's when he started planning to… to give him the vervain-wolfsbane mix." She shuddered.

So Damon saw them together… he didn't say anything.

"Then, after he… killed Stefan," She gulped. "He went away, and I didn't see him for a long time. Until last night, when he came back and visited me. Oh… Elena. He wants me to run away with him. He said he'd be willing to leave you and Damon alone if I went with him." She closed her eyes, seemingly lost in the memory.

"And… how do you feel about that?" I asked tentatively.

"I don't think I'm in love with Tyler anymore," She whispered, wincing as if I'd tell her off. "But I don't think I quite love Klaus yet, either."

"Caroline," I nudged her. "Do you think you'd be happy with Klaus?"

Caroline didn't outright answer the question. "He told me once… told me that he'd show me the world." Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "I think… I think I'd like that."

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**D'aww, Klaroline x**

**Sorry if anyone out there likes Forwood (By the way, why in God's name is that couple called Forwood?) - it's just, I think they'd be incredibly sweet. **

**Well, review as always. **

**~Belle**


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